Why running is stupid and dangerous

Hello people of the internet,

Today my school forced us to participate in the annual interhouse cross country. Which is actually code for: watch girls who I don’t think have ever partaken in any form of physical activity, prance around in little clothing and bitch about the actual runners and how good their bodies look while asking ourselves why we don’t look like that even though we’re totally against all kinds of physical activity and leaving the house.

Personally I don’t really understand the concept of running. I get to where I want to be fast enough by walking or taking a bus thank you.  And I really don’t understand what’s so appetising about turning into a red faced tomato, sweating so hard you can pretty much smell the bacon (because you’re sweating like a pig…get it? No? Alright then) and being unable to walk for over a week after.

Running is also apparently very dangerous and I value my life greatly, I still have to marry my celebrity. But I’m not even joking, I was working in the first aid tent (I totally don’t have a first aid certificate but I was not being forced to run), and we had at least 100 girls come in for heat exhaustion, some were fainting on the course and I’ve never been more freaked out in my life. Turns out I’m never going to a paramedic or nurse, sick and injured people really freak me out. Plus some kid squeezed my hand so hard I was about to sign myself in for a couple of broken fingers.

Moral of the story, running is stupid and dangerous. Also, going outside is dangerous. My friend Chelsie didn’t even make it onto the course and she had to go to hospital. And this is why I like my bedroom.

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PS. Totally looking into getting  fridge and microwave for my bedroom, even picked out the spot right next to my TV.

Also, i don’t understand why you call the 500m run a fun run. ITS NOT FUN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

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