Yesterday I spent eight or nine hours sitting on a road in 28 degree (Celsius) heat waiting for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Here are a few things i wish i knew before i embarked on my journey to hopefully become a princess … (it didn’t work I’m still sitting in my room with no Prince Harry next to me)
- It is fucking cold at 4:30am in mid-April in Australia. I personally blame Courtney and Emma for me being up at this time considering they chose the meet up time and bullied me into it.
- Sitting on a road at 7am is never a good idea. Even if, like me, you are waiting to see Kate and Wills, it is cold as fuck and you will be glad you packed your reindeer socks because your feet will start to turn blue and fall off from the cold.
- There are no shops open at 7am, so when you plan on a stake out to see famous people ALWAYS BRING SUPPLIES or you WILL starve for a good five hours before Emma turns up with reinforcements.
- By hour three you will be covered head to toe in news channel merch, however, they all will fail to give you a free bottle of water.
- Hour four will bring a totally numb bottom that no pillow will solve. There will be more than a thousand people and it will become socially unacceptable to sleep on the road.
- By hour five you will be going slightly insane and you will cut the top off your drink bottle off and just eat the ice because apparently ice will not turn into water when in the sun it will just evaporate into thin air which is fucking stupid and I don’t understand why I wasn’t taught things like that in science.
- You will also look like you’re sucking a penis when you do that which is why people were looking at you weirdly
- Hour five will also bring the arrival of Emma with an esky full of cold drinks and pringles. You will then feel like kissing one of your best friends because that esky will save your life and sanity within the next few hours.
- By hour six Courtney will pull out an Australian flag cape and look like the biggest bogan you’ve ever seen as she was also double hatting it.
- Six hours in the sun is the same as 6 tequila shots. By hour six in the sun you will also begin to go delirious and laugh at anything, not be able to stand without falling on someone/something and you will be starving and craving some mcnuggets.
- When people begin to stand around you in hour seven DON’T STAND AS WELL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T DO IT YOURE KILLING YOUSELF.
- By hour eight you will be drinking 5 year old water from an ice pack as you ran out over an hour ago and about to pass out
- The royals will always be late
- When a security guard says they’ll be out in ten minutes, he really has no idea and they won’t be out for another hour
- Bring heaps of water because 10 minutes out from the royals you will be on the verge of passing out
- Prince William will walk on the OPPOSITE SIDE TO YOU AND YOU WONT GET A SELFIE WITH HIM AHHHHHHHH
- It will take you over an hour to get out of the area after you meet Kate (and touch her hand and talk to her omg so worth she’s lovely) and you will get sweat patched from other people on your shirt and it will be absolutely disgusting
Don’t worry the eight or nine hours you wait in the sun will be totally worth it and some of the funnest times in your life with some of your favourite people. But please don’t take your hat off you’ll have a makeup line on your forehead and look like a right mess. And catching a bus over to queen street mall when you just want to sleep to get free ice cream is always worth it.
Enjoy it, laugh lots and wear sunscreen or else you will have bright red, burnt toes. xxx