School formal season is fast approaching, and the only topics for discussion I seem to hear is, oh my god what dress are you going to be wearing, oh my god do you have a picture? And, oh my god who is your date and where does he to school, or oh my god he’s graduated, that’s so fetch? And unless I’m wrong and you wear long dresses and take dates to parties – I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been to one- then its definitely formal season.
But if I’m correct and it is formal season (mine own formal is in three months or something crazy like that), then that’s pretty much all you’re going to hear/talk about for a good six months beforehand. Honestly, I think they strategically have my schools formal before treacherous term three so we can actually focus on school work, rather than dress brands and boy’s schools.
Being at all-girls school, the most important part of formal is the army candy, and by that I don’t mean those little lolly bracelets you used to get when you were little (great source of energy at formals though), I mean the date. And my God does it start drama (which is hilarious nonetheless, if you’re not involved that is…). But if you have no idea where to start looking for a formal date or what you want in a formal date, check out a few of my tips below (warning: effects may very, as in they’re not really helpful, sorry).
- If you’re at a single sex school like me, you don’t want to take a boy that everyone in your school knows; I know this was at the top of my list. You don’t want him ditching you, and going off with a bunch of girls you’re not friends with. Also when people know who he is, the judgements will start. If you bring a boy fresh off the boat, they can only judge him on what he’s like on the night, rather than who he dated back in year nine and dumped via Facebook (happened to me, I still cry).
- Someone who owns a good suit and looks hot in said suit. You may need to be looking at the high end schools for this one (ie Churchie, Nudgee, TSS, BGS etc. But let’s be honest you’re probably looking there anyway, we want a nice rich boy with rich parents – especially near birthdays and Christmas) because they’re the only ones who can afford/ can be bothered to get a fitted suit. Plus they’ll get you a nice corsage and maybe even a bunch of flowers if you’re lucky (dear formal date this is a massive hit on the shoulder buy me flowers).
- The only reason I like my height for once (I’m the size of a 13 year old, thanks mum and dad again for that snazzy set of genetics), is this next formal date requirement. I know this isn’t easy for some of you lanky and non-vertically challenged people (Kate, Hannah, if forever jealous), but it’s nice if your formal date is taller than you. Looks good in the pictures, and honestly it looks terribly awkward when you look about 25 with your dress and makeup and he looks 10 (Note to self: practise posing in the mirror for photos when you finally find a dress you like).
Apparently these set of requirements are too extreme and I’d be lucky to find someone who fits this criteria. “How hard could it be to find someone to fit my three feeble requirements?” I’ve been asking myself this question for the past three months in preparation for July 17 (Not for Seraiah’s birthday, sorry babe, but FORMAL). But apparently, I stand corrected, considering; I still don’t have a date. I’m not surprised though, I tend to repulse boys. It might have something to do with the uneven eyebrows, dinosaur arms, my inability to think before I speak, and my slight obsession with boy bands and rich celebrities in general. So, fair enough.
As we speak, I’m still on the hunt. You may see me walking around the city with a sign saying:
Or you might spot me doorknocking around Paddington and Hamilton, seeking that special (insanely rich) someone.
But if all else fails you might find me with my sign sitting outside of the medicine/Law buildings at The University of Queensland. I’m totally just there to pick up my brother, even though I don’t have my license as of yet, nor will I probably ever get it (driving sucks, more on this later though).
To all of you with formals/Proms (although for Prom the guy asks you in a totally cute way, I’m still jealous Tara) coming up lately I hope you find the perfect dress, and have a “Say Yes to the Dress” moment (I watch too many wedding shows I know, it’s because no one will ever love me). I also hope you find the perfect formal date and he buys you flowers and doesn’t hook up with a bunch of girls/guys at the post (Sorry Hayden, I love you, were still mates right?), I also hope you don’t get suspended for having a post like three quarters of the grade above me last year…
But all jokes and apologies aside (again Hayd, so sorry) I wish you luck on your formal journey because it’s a bitch and I’ve been to like six shops and still don’t have a dress fml.
May you little caterpillars, caterpillars, soon be beautiful butterflies.
PS. If you didn’t understand that quote you need to re-evaluate your life because She’s the Man was on channel nine last night.
PPS. I totally know i cant spell suit right, apologies…not really