“A religion that attention-seeking high schoolers worship as an effort to mask the fact that they are worthless nobody’s that will never have a life.”
That isn’t exactly how I would describe a trend…but I suppose, it is urban dictionary so it has to be …close… to correct. A bit harsh, but it does have a point. Every time a new trend comes to town, we all go crazy trying to be one of the first to have it/wear it/watch it/have sex with it (does the one direction 2012 tour ring a bell for all of you?… or for me, always. The love is still strong). It’s just what comes with attempting to fit into this crazy gangland we call high school. Some trends are hot and end up staying for the long run like those sick high wasted jeans you have in your wardrobe, but some on the other hand… should never leave the wardrobe or the store (those fluoro pink jeans you brought in year 7? Yeah, totally not a good idea). Here are some of the trends I really didn’t understand:
Pot Plant Hair:
About five years ago now, when I was in grade eight it was really in fashion to have exceptionally messy hair, you would actually be shunned if you didn’t have hair falling out of your hair tie and over your ears (the little slut strap thingos? Yeah). I’m pretty sure one girl actually went to the lengths of not even washing her hair for about a month just to give it that little bit extra messiness I suppose. I don’t know how that would work, two days and I look like I’ve been walking about in the rain my hair is that greasy (that was kev who gave me that fantabulous gene, thannkkkss). There would be girls turning up to school with these massive ‘bird nests’ otherwise known as ‘buns’ at the time on their heads that really took the ‘messy bun’ to a whole new level. I remember getting lectures during assembly by our head of students to “stop with the pot plants on top of your heads girls you look absolutely ridiculous” (Note: read this in a South African accent and you just might piss yourself laughing like I do every time). On photo days we would be told “for god sake girls brush your hair behind your eyes, you’ll look back at these photos and regret it” (South African accent again please), and she was right, I am looking back at these photos and we do look absolutely ridiculous and I’m pretty sure the majority of us regret it, but I still think it’s the funniest thing.
I honestly quite like the ombre/beliage (how the fuck do you spell that) look, I think it’s really cool. But here’s the catch, DO IT RIGHT! I cannot count how many girls I’ve seen attempt to do it at home and it looks so stupid its hilarious. Ombre hair is meant to be where you hair slowly transitions from one hair colour to another. NOT have one colour hair on the top of your head and then BAM another colour on the bottom. NOOO. It does not work like that. Please, for the love of the little sanity I have left, if you want ombre hair, go to the hairdressers, do not do it yourself it looks tacky and I hate it.
I think you all know what I’m talking about here, but for those who have missed the message that your bum is hanging out of your “shorts”, I’ll let you know what’s going down. If your shorts are so short that I can see your ass cheek hanging out, they are not cute, they are not fetch, you do not look quiche. For the love of god put some proper pants on. I was walking through Carindale with my cousin who was over from New Zealand and some girl was wearing a pair of these monstrosities and she dropped something. I think you know where I’m going here. When she bent down, she squatted and her “shorts” moved over to one side and I saw her whole vagina. I have never been so scarred in my life, I actually started to cry a little. Welcome to Australia little cousin Katie!
Please just buy some new shorts, or jeans because it’s gone from boiling hot to so cold I can’t feel my toes as I’m writing this, so girls don’t go around in your denim underwear when its 17 degrees outside. It’s unhygienic and I really don’t want to see that.
Tops that look like bras
Lately it’s apparently become a thing for girls to go to parties in just their bra and a skirt (I only know this via Instagram, I’m not cool enough for parties), or go to festivals in their bras and underwear (at Coachella thatsojack got sexual harassed by a chick wearing just a thong wtf). I was not informed of this new trend, I do not like this new trend, what round table to I have to go to, to repeal this thing because it is fucking ridiculous. It is cold, put some clothes on please. Boys will not be repulsed by you, just because you’re wearing a t shirt and not just your bra…I think. What would I know I’m looking at becoming a nun.
I think the moral of this blog post for girls is to wear more clothes. It is pretty much winter for crying out loud, I do not want to see your nipple pop out and say hello to me, I do not want to see any more vaginas than I have to. I don’t even want to see the one attached to me okay, they’re not very attractive. If you think yours is attractive then cool man, that’s fantastic for you, but please do not share it with me and the world, which is totally and 100% not cool.
What is the clothing/hair trend you regret the most? Comment them below!