Time to dust off your biros and start washing your hair regularly, it’s time to go back to school, well uni. It’s been four months of sitting on the couch watching baking shows, so understandably your social skills are not quite up to par when making new friends in an institution that holds over 48, 000 students. No need to fear, after my second week back at what some describe as “hell”, Aunty Lauren has got your back when it comes to making friends.
1. Don’t be the self-conceited, ironic prick who says he doesn’t do small talk because “it’s a waste of my time.” Yes, unfortunately this happened to me (and a friend of mine as well, I’m not sure if there are numerous people like this or we got the joy of experiencing the same person, if so he needs more lines). Bottom line is, I hope you lose all your coupons in the back of the diary.
2. Ease your classmates and lecturers into your “laidback” look (read: greasy hair, track pants, shirt with food on it and no bra). Whilst some will commend you on your bravery and outfit choice (me), others will quickly bypass you to the weird kid who farts continuously. Best to take it slow and introduce those items when people don’t really care, i.e. not the first week when freshmen try to look nice.
3. Have cool hair. To the girl in my JOUR1112 lecture with the fantastic fro, please be friends with me. I’m not sure if it is god that is drawing me to you or the fact that I want to touch your hair, but either way I think it’ll be a magical relationship.
4. Don’t use stalker space as a diary, you’re the little fish now, and that admin seems like he wants to rip your head off through his computer screen, he could probably figure out how to do that too. Use it to track down the guy with really nice hair on you bus who totally owns a navy blazer (love me).
5. TALK TO PEOPLE. It is amazing how many people in my communications lectures don’t talk (when not in the lecture of course, star student right here). I’m not sure if they’re going for the ironic indie look, but newsflash guys, it’s not working.
In the end, make friends with the smartest people in your course, because (unfortunately) you will have to do (cringe) group assignments. Pre warning though, while some may seem smart, they may not understand your sarcasm, or any English what so ever, been there, tried that. Good luck in the search to find people miles ahead of the ones you left behind in high school fellow first years. On a final note, UQnav sucks.
P.S. This post is dedicated to the girl I met lastFriday who told me I had previously met her and written this url on her arm. I was obviously 50 shades past conscious at this point, but nonetheless, I’ve made it.